Tuesday, April 3, 2007

I'm turning into one of those people I hate. You know the ones. They have no kids, no family and they are unhappy and mean all the time.

I feel like I've reached my breaking point and i'm about ready to just give up. I'm not happy...I couldn't tell you the last time I was happy. I mean truely not a care in the world, happy with how my life it happy. I'm sad all the time. I don't care about things that I use to. I use to stitch all the time. I loved it so much. Now all I want to do is throw everything in the garbage. I have no friends, no one to talk with, no one to tell how I feel. No one to help me when i'm ready to give up.

I don't understand my place in the world. I don't feel like I'm here for any reason. I feel like a mistake. Now I know why I'll never have a baby. I'm an ugly, worthless mistake and who would want me for a mother.

All i want is to be happy and to feel loved.

32 comments:

Jamie said...

{{{HUGS}}} Times and feelings like this just suck. You have my email and I'm definitely willing to listen. -Jamie

Vonna said...

Big {{{hugs}}} and caring concern for you. You can e-mail me anytime. There was a time in my early/middle twenties where I felt this same way. If you ever want a listening ear, you can bend mine anytime. My e-mail is on my blog. Please feel free, seriously! You seem like your a very caring individual to me and I'm a good listener and not judgmental.

Stitchingnow said...

My fellings exactly only I am a mom who doesn't get to see her kids very often. Please email me..
You have a listening ear just waiting on you.

Carolyn said...

Awww, Jenn, I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. Please, please feel free to email me if you'd like. I've had moments like this myself. :(

stitcherw said...

Jenn I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down. I know being an online blogging buddy isn't the same as an inperson friend, but I'm here if you want to send me an email. Hang in there, while it may seem like it won't pass, it really will. I've been where you are now, and managed to work my way through it. Lean on your friends, either in person or online here, we are here for you. {{hugs}}
Sue

Karen said...

I'm sorry you're in such a dark place right now. After I got married three (almost four) years ago, my life totally turned upside down. I moved twice. I lost a dear friend. I found myself living just far enough from family that the spontaneous "drop in" wasn't reasonable anymore. With my husband working nights, and myself working at home, I felt totally isolated and alone. I felt like a fish out of water. Here I was with the Guy, the House, the Dream, but I felt so empty--stripped down to bare bones. Nothing looked or felt the way I imagined it would. It was a total shocker.

Times like this we have two paths before us. We can choose the easy path and give up, resign ourselves to being bitter, disappointed and unhappy, blame others and convince ourselves that this is just our crappy fate. OR, we can listen to those sad, dark feelings and ask, "What are you trying to tell me? Where have I made unhealthy choices? What can I do to change things?"

If there are areas of our lives that aren't working, we have to take action to change them. If we lack friends, we have to seek them out (a tough one for me). If we lack joy, we have to look inside ourselves and discover why.

What is your sadness trying to tell you???

Dawn said...

Jenn (((hugs))Sorry your feeling sad :( E-mail me if you need a shoulder.

Carol said...

Jenn... you do have friends.... what is up with this today??

Anne S said...

You have a lot of support from your online buddies, Jenn, and even though we may be miles away we do care about you being in this world, and being part of our lives. I haven't been reading or commenting much lately, but just wanted to give you a {{cyberhug}} to remind you people do care :D We all have our demons to bear - and we all have our dark days to get through - just hang in there, kiddo ... it's got to get better. Maybe it's time to speak to someone about it 'professionally' to start getting to the heart of the problem. I've been considering the same thing with some personal issues too - the hardest step is always the first one. As others have said, we're just an email away if you need to talk and get things off your chest {{hugs}}.

Rowyn said...

I'm really sad to read that you are feeling so down. Hope things start looking up soon. Sending hugs your way.

Juls said...

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) It can seem dark.... I don't know what to write but know I'm here if you want to e-mail me....I've been there....

ollie1976 said...

Jenn-big hugs. I'm sure that many of us, especially myself, have felt the same way. Just reach out if you need to! Hang in there.

Lana said...

Hugs hugs and more hugs to you, sweetie! Hang in there! We out here in cyberspace care about you and love you! I have definitely had times like that. They suck, but in time things will look up!
~Lana~

Mary said...

{{{HUGS}}} You are definitely loved and deserve to be loved!!!! You have lots of friends even if we don't live right next door to you. In fact, you have friends all over the world which is even luckier. Friends in so many times zones thinking about you and hoping you will feel better soon.
Just keep thinking about Celebrations and seeing SGD and her wild outfits and enthusiastic way about her. Who knows what she will bring to the table this year... last year it was socks!!!
Anyways, do take care. You have many friends who are giving you big cyber hugs!!!!!
Mary

Carolyn said...

Jenn,
Don't give up. I am a friend and I feel so bad for you. I wish I lived nearby I would come over and you could use my shoulder. I am so sorry your feeling this way. Remember, we do care and telling us how you feel is a good thing. (((HUGS))).

Christine said...

((Jenn)) If you've been feeling like this for a while, I'd encourage you to talk to your doctor. You most definitely have friends...look at all the replies to your post!

Hazel said...

Jenn it breaks my heart to hear that. God has a plan for your life. The Bible says If you humble yourself before him then he will lift you up. I have been there myself. If you ever want to chat my email and mssngr is hazelhenry@hotmail.com
hugs to you.
xx

~Kim~ said...

Sorry to hear how you feel.

Even those you dont have friends close by, just remember you have physical friends over the net, and blog.

~Kim~

Kiwi Jo said...

I'm sorry you feel so sad Jenn :( I too would love to have a baby and am struggling with not being able to. I feel like such a failure to my DH and it makes me really sad. I hope you feel better soon. I'm really looking forward to meeting you at Celebrations.

Kathy said...

Jenn sending you big {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} you can email me anytime hun.

Hugs xxxxxxx

Stitch Wizard said...

Oh Jenn I am just so sorry to see that you are feeling so sad!! You do have friends and we all really think the world of you!! I went through a divorce back in 1981, my father died in 1985 and my mom really never loved me at all! I felt so alone all the time too and was just miserable for a very long time, but finally I met my DH in 1997 and my world just turned around. Please don't give up hope! You have many many friends here who care! I know I do and I know that others do as well! I never was able to have children but my life now is happy and I am finally happy! You will have better times ahead and please don't hesitate to email me anytime at all if you just need someone to talk to!! Thank you for stopping into my blog and for the nice comments!

Barb said...

I'm sorry you feel this way. You do have friends here that care. Please e mail me if you want.

stitcherw said...

It's been a bit since you posted, I hope you're doing better. Have a wonderful Easter. {{hugs}}
Sue

Jamie said...

Hey Jenn,
Just checking in. I saw you changed your avatar - very cute. Hope things have started a little upturn at least. {{HUGS}}
Check in when you can...
Jamie

Michelle said...

Big hugs! Just know that you have all of our support and we do care about you. Please feel free to email me anytime you need to talk!

Chiara said...

Dear Jenn,
a big hug also from me...I am so sorry to read you post only today...I am there if you need some help...and I hope you are getting well soon...hugs

Lauren said...

big {{{hugs}}}. We all love you - why else would we be reading your blog :) ? It may be rough right now, but these things *do* pass. Until then, you have all of us to help you through.

Lelia said...

(((HUGS))) Hang in there Jenn. Sometimes we all feel disengaged from everything, bleak, and alone. It happens. I hope you find a way to rise above it.

mrsfroggie1970 said...

Big hugs from here too and keep stitching. If that's the only thing you accomplish in a day it will make you feel better

Karin said...

(((Hugs))). Sorry to hear that things are rough right now.

artystitches said...

Hi Jenn,

I have only just read your post, i felt very sad that you feel this way, i have felt that way before and it is difficult to bring yourself out of it, but you will and life has a way of turning things around, and all the comments you have had to your post just goes to show how many people care and check in on your blog to read what you have to say.

You sound like a great person try not to be so hard on yourself, happiness will come your way u just wait and see.

Take care
Naomi xxx

Juul :o) said...

A belated (((BIG HUG))), I'm so sorry I didn't visit earlier.
I hope you know all of us care about you!
Your invited to my new blog, it's not much, but I hope you'll have a look. :o)
When I moved umpfteen years ago to the other site of my country, I didn't know people in my new town, and didn't know much about gardening either.
I joined a gardening-club (and several other clubs), and lots of people where willing to share all there garden knowledge with me.
I got invitations to have a look in their gardens, made a lot of new friends, and got new plants given to me for my own garden.
Later I organized a plant-exchange-market that still is held every year.
Staying at home, doesn't change anything, go out, talk to people.
There is so much outside to discover!
When summertime comes and you work in your new garden you will meet all kind of new neighbours, another opportunity to meet new friends.
:o)