Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Feeling Blah

I seem to be getting down/depressed a lot lately. :( I really don't like when I feel like this and I seem to be feeling this way more and more since the car accident DH and I were in on Thanksgiving night last year. We weren't badly hurt but, I did end up going to the hospital in an ambulance.

Maybe I feel the way I do cause I keep thinking in the back of my mine that this dumb kid who hit us has gotten away with what he did and he doesn't have to 'pay' for what he did. I want him to be as inconvienced as I was. Maybe it's because I was walking around in a fog for a few weeks after and when someone tells me something and I say that I don't know anything about it they will say 'you know it happened right after Thanksgiving' and I just want to scream at them 'Don't you know what happened to me on Thanksgiving???' (and they DO know).

I just don't seem to care about anything. I sit down at night and I do a few stitches then I put down what I'm working on and just sit stareing at the tv for the rest of the night.

I have tickets to see U2 in Boston next week. I've been looking for this for so long. This band and their music give me hope. They give me a reason to live and to go on when things are bad. They always have. The past few days however I've been so down that I don't even care if I go to the show or not and that I think is making me feel worse. Knowing that something in me doesn't care. I'm just hoping that next Thursday when the house lights go down and Bono tells me 'oh you look so beautiful tonight' that all the pain will go away.


Carol said...

Hi Jenn, I am really worried about you feeling this way. It sounds like PTSD to me (I am a therapist, but you know that, right?). If you feel this keeps continuing any longer, would you be willing to try out some counseling? A good therapist may help you to identify what is lying underneath the blahs and help you to move on to a better place in your mind.... OK to say that?? I really care about you :-) I am here for you too!

Mary said...

Oh Jenn!
I do agree with Carol.